Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Everything seems to be so gloomy around me...or maybe it's just me....=(

*trying to fight her tears back*


Trying very hard NOT to feel so down and upset over my not-satisfied results.... guess this entry will be the opposite of my previous entry. I sounded so cheerful and happy when i wrote my last blog...and look at this...just look at me rite now..... feeling totally the opposite.


*sniff sniff*


Cried a lot yesterday. My eyes have this tight feeling rite now... appear to be kinda small... can't really open them... I will just cry and cry and cry whenever something bad happened to me... i know it's useless but it's the only way to let it go.... i feel like i'm such a loser after knowing my results. DAMN. I studied hard but still i got such crappy results... i know my expectations are kinda high... but hey... 'if you can't reach the moon, at least you'll fall among the stars', right?


Last nite, my dad told me not to cry and feel so sad anymore. The fact is the fact. I can't change the fact about my results. I know everyone at home is disappointed with me. I can sense it. Who will be happy when their daughter cannot reach their expectations? It's like...i'm falling down from the sky above....right down to the muddy ground. It hurts. A lot. It hurts when i've let my parents and myself down. I know such setbacks and failures in life are inevitable but still...i did all i could to prevent this from happening to me and yet....i failed.


*tears filling her eyes*


Just went out for a drink with my baby just now. Was glad to see him once again. But still, my mind can't stop thinking about my results. I can't just forget about everything so fast. It takes time. Anyways. Thanks for those hugs, baby... u made me feel kinda better, really. *hugs*


Kinda demotivated by my results...that's why i'm not into the mood to study. I just can't stop brooding over it. I know i have to get out of this situation asap...i'm trying...i'm trying.I can't go on like this... i gotta start some serious mugging. I have to. I still got my A2...and my trials is like 3 more weeks from now...T_T


However, i'm still damn disappointed with my results. Especially for sociology. Never got a C for sociology before...(tests and semester exams) Sigh sigh sigh... what happened? In fact, i've found out that nobody got an A or B for sociology this time. The highest grade was only a C. What's wrong with cambridge? Cambridge A-levels (arts) exams are shithard. No turning point for me already...i gotta bear with it....2 more months.............sigh.


My mum and sis are very right indeed. They said i'm a person that couldn't face reality bravely enough. I admit that i'm that kinda person too. *sighs* Have the tendency to sleep whenever i could nowadays just becoz i'm hoping that i will forget about my results once i wake up... but i'm wrong... the first thing i wake up after my sleep is that i'll think about it again. It just keeps on spinning round and round my head. And also, i'm hoping that i can just sleep and sleep and sleep (forever) and not to wake up to reality ever again. But i can't! T_T


*grumbles*


Life must go on... will cheer up asap i hope. I know..it's all up to me. I need to be strong. I have to be strong. I MUST be strong enough to face other uncertainties in life later. There's still a long long long road ahead for me. I can't give up this easily. And of coz i would never give up. Hopefully this will motivate me to strive harder for my A2 exams. At least it will help to make up for my AS grades. Yup, there's still hope for me...thank god it's not the end of the world yet.


=(

by Yina at 4:29 PM |