Sunday, April 24, 2005

ARGH. I'm depressed. I'm freaking myself out. I'm feeling hopeless. I feel dead. All negative thoughts are floating around my head. No positive thoughts within me rite now. NONE AT ALL. It's tough to hang on...it's tough to go thru my current phase of life. STRESS + TENSION + ALL SORTS OF PRESSURE.


Can't control my emotions last nite...to the extent that i broke down. i cried. A LOT. To the extent that my dad found out that i'm crying alone. I was whining to him... how stressful i am rite now...blah blah blah... and i even blamed my parents for not caring enough for me. What a childish though that was, rite? SIGH. When a person is emotionally and mentally weak or unstable, he or she will tend to exaggerate things. My dad was consoling me...comforting me with encouraging words while stroking my back. My mum though... i dunno why... din really console me like what my dad did. Suddenly, it made me realised that my mum wasn't the one who is close to my heart... somehow, there's some distance within us although we seemed to be close outside. Maybe she's getting older...maybe i'm thinking too much...maybe i'm getting older too...maybe i'm sensitive when it comes to this... SIGH.


Anyway, no matter what happens, i'll always bear in mind that my parents are always there for me. Poured out my emotions last nite to them. I felt better. But still, my mood is gloomy rite now. Went out for lunch with my family just now....lunch was nice though. Whenever i feel stressed or not-so-good inside, i'll let go my tears... it's unbearable. Tears will make me feel more human again. To remind me that human beings are after all... VULNERABLE.


Gonna continue figuring out the econs questions after posting this. Guess i don't have much fate with econs. That's the saddest part of learning econs i guess. Anyhow, i'll make sure that my fate with econs will coincide and merge on the actual exam day itself....


Sometimes, it's good to let go ur tears once in a while...it's unhealthy to hold back your tears when you think that you really need to cry........ It's time for me to go back to reality now........but trust me, reality hurts. A LOT.

by Yina at 1:42 PM |